RAPPORT = CHEMISTRY
PART THREE: WORDS ABSOLUTELY COUNT
Voice and body matching alone cannot create rapport. They go a long way in creating chemistry but if you mismatch your interviewer’s values and key phrases, voice and body matching is wasted.
- Excellent communicators gain rapport by acknowledging the other person. One way to do that is to match voice tone. This is not manipulation or mimicry. It is two instruments in synch. And, the feeling you get from that is what you want to achieve in an interview!
- Genuine rapport cannot occur unless you value others and believe what they have to say is important. This doesn’t mean you have to agree with them. It does mean that you have to respect what they are saying.
Values and beliefs are at the core of everyone’s identity. When you match the values and beliefs of the interviewer by using the interviewer’s key words and phrases you have entered into their world and acknowledged their identity.
In this moment, bring your attention to the friends you enjoy and the friends you are at ease with and can “be yourself.”
Recall a specific time you were together. First, notice what elements of your voice and body language match theirs. Now recall the words and phrases you and them are using. Where do they match up? How often do they match up?
When you match the values and beliefs of the interviewer by using the interviewer’s key words and phrases you have entered into their world and acknowledged their identity.
As before, where you have nothing to lose (maybe something to gain!), choose a person with whom you don’t have natural rapport. Begin to match their voice and aspects of their body language and while you are doing that, listen for their key phrases and their value words.
Integrate their words as you participate in the conversation. Keep it going until you know you were able to shift the interaction into a place where you feel you have created some chemistry. Then shift out of the chemistry you have created by mismatching voice, body language and key phrases. Notice how easy it is to both gain chemistry and to lose chemistry.
Matching exact words is very important. If, for example, the interviewer references the importance of “communication,” do not paraphrase. Do not respond by saying “letting people know what the team is doing is important.” The interviewer did not provide you with their definition of “communication” and you run a big risk of breaking rapport if you try to define it for them. Stick with their exact same key words.
In these three blogs, you have received the basics of rapport building. It’s up to you to practice and refine your skill. If you would like some coaching on these and other elements of rapport, contact me.